I subscribe to The Voice of the Martyrs' Facebook page. As I was scrolling down tonight I saw they had posted some news that Glenn Penner, who had formerly been CEO of The Voice of the Martyrs Canada, went home to be with the Lord yesterday. I didn't follow his journey with cancer, but I clicked over to his blog which was linked to in the Facebook note.
I saw the last post written by his wife, and then read backwards over the last days and weeks of his life, which seemed to have been spent in much pain. One particular post made me stop in my tracks. He posted it back in November, and it talked of his struggle with feeling useless as his life had changed so much with the cancer.
As I read it, I smiled a knowing smile, having just prayed today that God would help me to get back to being as useful and productive for Him as I can be. I'd like to get back to "being myself" thank you very much. This last six years of being in His waiting room has been quite long enough.
God's funny that way. I'm forever praying something (the He undoubtedly has put on my heart because He knows my deepest longings) and then He answers that very prayer in the most unexpected ways.
Maybe you feel your life is on hold in some way. You want to move forward in some aspect of your life, but God has you standing still. Sometimes, standing still in the presence of God is the most productive thing we can do.
The following is Glen Penner's blog from November 11, 2009. Thank you Mr. Penner, for your encouragement, even as you stand in glory with our Lord, Jesus.
And if you think about it, pray for his wife, Denita, and their children, as their lives must undoubtely feel as though they're standing still right now.
The blessing of uselessness
With the decline of my health over the past year, one of the issues that I struggle with is a sense of uselessness since I can no longer do many of the things that I used to be able to do in my service for the persecuted around the world. Watching my colleagues do things that I once did and found so much pleasure in is hard. It is easy to feel…useless and unneeded. I don’t say that to sound whiney. I think many who go through suffering often feel this way, especially if they have lived active lives.
This morning, however, I read the following during my devotion time from Mike Mason’s The Gospel According to Job. I hope you are as blessed and challenged by this as I was.
“Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God’s intimate friendship blessed my house.” (29:4)
Suffering, like the enemy who causes it, is a many-headed beast, and one of the heads is called Uselessness. A sufferer’s existence can seem so pointless, so stagnant and unworthy. Little wonder that Job’s mood in this chapter is one of intense nostalgia as he longs for “the good old days” when not only was he blessed by God, but when God’s blessing enabled him to bless others. Such feelings are perfectly human and understandable. We all want to be useful and productive. But one of the things we learn from the many set-backs of life is that God, in His wisdom, has a use for uselessness. The Lord Himself seems to be fond of standing around and doing nothing. When we imitate Him in this, the Bible calls it “waiting on the Lord.” But just think of how God waits on us! For thousands of years He has waited for mankind to turn to Him. Right now it is just as though He were standing on a street corner outside our home, hands in His pockets, whistling a gospel tune, waiting for us to keep our appointment with Him. Are we too busy with more pressing matters? Being useless, it seems, is not an important enough activity for us, and so we leave it to God.
Of course it is true that, as Jesus taught, “My Father is always working” (John 5:17). But to our human eyes God’s work often looks like idleness. His methods can appear so lackadaisical, so they involve pain on our part. Suffering puts us out of commission (at least from our perspective), so that we can no longer work, no longer contribute, no longer do much of value. Without this intense feeling of uselessness, suffering and even dying might not seem half so bad. Perhaps it is even true that the very soul of suffering is not so much pain itself, in all its forms, as it is the simple humiliation of having all our plans brought to a standstill, the indignity of being made to stop and wait.
How interesting it is that when the Lord appeared to Moses, and later to Joshua, to each of them He said the same thing: “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground” (Ex. 3:5; Josh. 5:15). Why should you take off your shoes in the Lord’s presence? Because without shoes you are not going anywhere. You might try to walk, but you will not get very far, especially in the hot sand and sharp rocks of the wilderness. Taking off one’s shoes may not be quite as drastic as cutting off one’s feet, but it amounts to the same thing. Barefootedness means immobilization, and so it is a symbol of submission. Being immobile (in other words, having nothing better to do) is a prerequisite for worship, and worship is the prerequisite for all activity, all service.
Many churches today are eager to mobilize for the Lord, but without paying much attention to the prior and greater work of immobilization. We need to learn how to kick off our shoes and discover that the place where we are standing is holy. When Daniel saw a vision of the Ancient of Days on His throne, “ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him.” And what was this multitude doing? Not much. All we are told is that “the court was seated, and the books were opened.” And without anyone moving an inch four powerful empires were destroyed (Dan. 7:10-12). In Heaven, apparently, they know the meaning of the saying, “Don’t just do something—stand there!”
The people of Israel wandered in the wilderness for forty years, and the soles of their shoes never wore out. Why not? Because they only moved at the Lord’s command. In many ways they were disobedient, but in this one point they were constrained to obey because pillars of cloud and of fire were hanging over them. If today we find our souls (pun intended) wearing out, it may be because we are running around doing a lot of things that the Lord has not told us to do. We want to be fruitful. We want to work for our church and contribute to our society. We want to do something, not simply believe. When circumstances are such that we cannot do anything, we get restless and squirm, and just like Job we think back on our full and productive days and we long to see them return. We long to go back, not just so we can feel good again, but so we can get on with our “real work,” get on with making our contribution.
But listen to the words of Catherine Doherty: “If you want to see what a ‘contribution’ really is, look at the Man on the cross. That’s a contribution. When you are hanging on a cross you cannot do anything because you are crucified.”