The Long and Winding Road

The Lord and I have been on a journey for a very long time now. At times the journey has taken me to places so dark I was completely unaware of His presence. But He was there. I’ve been on a journey with God since I was a young girl, but this particular road that I’ve taken veered off my beaten path about five years ago when God called to me four times within a 6-week period of time to “be strong and courageous.” You don’t always want to hear those words formed by the voice of God and directed at you like that, but there it was.

I had no idea at the time what that meant, but in February of ’04 when a skyrocketing blood pressure landed me in the ER, I had my first clue. Since then I’ve experienced health issue after health issue, symptom after symptom, and doctor after doctor, with no answers in sight.

What ensued was a roller coaster of emotions and spiritual lows that I thought I would never see. I wondered where God was, I wondered where my friends were, I wondered why people around me who were getting sick were being diagnosed and at least knew they weren’t going crazy. They had found a doctor to help them and friends to support and pray for them, but I kept being told that I was just depressed. And then I felt forgotten, and like maybe I really was going crazy.

Recently, though, God’s been doing a new thing. The details are long so I’ll give you the short version.

Months ago, God spoke to my heart and told me that He was my Morning Star. I knew I had read that in the bible before, but I honestly didn’t understand what it meant. So I decided send an email asking the question of the meaning behind that name to a local pastor who has a sort of question and answer email he sends out to whoever signs up to receive it. I had no idea if my question would be answered and posted but I gave it a try. Months went by and in a period of time when God had been speaking volumes to my heart, I received an email. It was from the local pastor who had featured my question and his answer in his group emailing. (If you’d like to check out his website, it’s calvarycorner.com.)

The gist of his answer was this: Jesus refers to Himself as the bright Morning Star in Revelation 22:16. In ancient literature, Venus is often referred to as the morning star. The brightest appearing star at the end of a dark night is often Venus. When Venus rises, the sun soon follows.

My dark night has lasted a very long time. But the Lord was telling me that He is my bright Morning Star. And He had been revealing Himself to me in ways that He had not in a very long time. I was seeing the brightest Star at the end of that blackest night. The morning would soon be dawning and light would fill my life once again.

Not that Jesus has not been with me, but He was telling me that things were about to change. And change they indeed have. Stay tuned for the story of the dawning.